adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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