I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
