You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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