im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
