Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
