If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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