I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
