it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
