Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
