Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
