Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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