I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
