During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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