We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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