none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
