So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
