Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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