birth control should be required to get into college
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
