Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
