just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
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