Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
