She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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