You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
