ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
