I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
not ubering you a puppy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
