Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
