All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
