i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
