Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
