forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
