oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
