he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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