dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
