It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
