do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
