that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
