They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
