we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
