She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
