The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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