What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
