But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
