happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
