Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
