Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
