these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
