Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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