a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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