She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
