How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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