We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
