Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Found your dick twin last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
