Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
