Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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