There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
