wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
being pregnant is like rehab
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
