i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
