Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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