i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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