You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
